It would be great if we could make our bodies and faces change to exactly what we would like them to be and  back again if we didn’t like how things turned out! Unfortunately scars can’t be made  to go away. They can sometimes be made less red, less lumpy or be made to blend in  better with the skin around them so you can’t see them so much. You need to talk to your  surgeon about whether an operation would make your scar change in any of these ways.

Sometimes the problem is not how a scar looks but is more about how we feel about a  scar. Usually we are far more negative about how we look than other people are. You say  that you think other people notice your scar but I wonder if they do. It might be the case  that your eyes are drawn to your scar as a bit of a habit and it’s the first thing you notice  when you look in the mirror. It may be true that when you meet someone for the first time  they do notice your scar. I think after that first meeting though they won’t notice the scar  and will look at your whole face especially your eyes.

I would guess that you don’t notice features such as moles or freckles that your friends  have unless they point something out and ask you about it. Even if they do point  something out you will quickly forget about this feature and will just start seeing their whole  face again. I am sure this is true with your friends about your lip scar. If you asked your  friends about your scar, they would notice it but after a little while they would stop noticing  and would see your whole face as they usually do.

Try to concentrate on the parts of your face that you do like and write them down in a list.  You might even keep this list in your wallet or purse to read if you are having a bad day.  Include other things about yourself in this list.  For example, what else is good about you  such as being fun or being a good friend. Whenever we are really critical about one of our  features and really focus on it usually the problem seems to get bigger and we worry more.  If you feel able to, ask for an appointment with one of the psychologists in your cleft team.  It’s their job to try to help young people who have worries about their appearance like you  do. I don’t think you would need to wait until your next clinic appointment. It should be  possible to ring them and ask for an appointment.